Cryptid Registration Now Open: Because Apparently We’re Doing That Now
Welcome to Backcountry Mystic, where the line between “quirky small-town charm” and “full-blown supernatural bureaucracy” has officially been crossed.
Thanks to a “brilliant” (read: questionably sober) brainstorming session among my staff, we’re proud (???) to announce the launch of the BriarVeil Cryptid Registration Initiative.
Yes, you heard that right.
Cryptids. Registration. Official(ish) forms and everything.
What Is This Madness?
The idea was pitched as a joke — “Hey, what if locals could register their sightings of mysterious creatures?” — but because we operate under the sacred motto of “Commit to the Bit,” it’s now a Very Real Thing.
We even have forms. Actual forms. With categories like:
- “Creature Description (Bonus points for poor-quality sketches!)”
- “Last Known Location (Including suspiciously convenient areas like ‘behind the brewery’).”
- “Cryptid Behavior (e.g., ‘Stole my sandwich,’ ‘Made unsettling eye contact,’ ‘Sang karaoke poorly’).”
Because nothing says “legitimate enterprise” like a clipboard full of doodles of lumpy Bigfoot cousins.
Why Would Anyone Register a Cryptid?
Glad you asked. Goodness knows I did.
The official reasons include:
- Community pride. BriarVeil is already a magnet for weirdness; might as well embrace it.
- Bragging rights. You saw the Moss-Footed Marsh Hopper? Document it and lord it over your friends forever.
- Immortal glory. Outstanding Cryptid Reports will be posted on our Cryptid Leaderboard in the store. You know you want your name under “Most Questionable Encounter.”
- Exclusive rewards. Submit five verified (read: wildly entertaining) sightings, and you’ll earn a limited-edition Backcountry Mystic patch that says, “I’ve Seen Some Sht.”* (Limited while supplies last, obviously.)
Who Can Register a Cryptid?
Anyone brave (or foolish) enough to document their encounter is welcome:
- Locals
- Tourists
- Questionably sober campers
- Children with vivid imaginations
- That one guy who insists he wrestled a river lizard (we’re not judging — much)
Pets are not eligible to register cryptids, but if your dog submits a compelling pawprint, we’ll reconsider.
How to Register:
- Visit Backcountry Mystic and ask for the Cryptid Registration Form.
- Fill it out with as much (or as little) credibility as you possess.
- Submit it for display on the Cryptid Leaderboard.
- Bask in the eternal glory of your discovery.
Pro tip: Sketches encouraged. Bonus points if they look like something drawn mid-seizure on a roller coaster.
So if you’ve glimpsed a Hearth Hopper, Shifty Ridgeback, or the elusive Possum-Faced Shade Dancer, now’s your chance to make it semi-official.
Or, you know, just stop by to look at the absurd submissions piling up.
(Bring coffee. I’ll probably be hiding behind the counter.)
💜 Everlie
Manager, Reluctant Cryptid Commissioner, and Questionable Adult
